The Restless Heart
Lynne Elwinger, O.C.D.
Do you ever experience an inner restlessness that is hard to describe and even harder to understand? Have you then, like many of us, tried to find ways to make it go away, or wondered why you couldn’t just feel satisfied with your life? If so, maybe you will find it good news to hear that this inner unease might actually be a sign of God’s action within you.
Most of my life, spiritually speaking, has been caught up in a quest for the “more” of God’s life in my own. On reflection, I see that this has been a powerful catalyst for growth and change. I also see that each time the “more” is attained with its accompanying feelings of peace and joy, a new “more” is soon calling and the cycle repeats itself. Rather like the ebb and flow of the tides or the cycle of the seasons, restlessness and peace alternate in my inner world.
The Struggle Toward The Light
My thinking about this was stimulated by words from an untitled poem by John Soos that I read on Earth Day. “To be of Earth is to know the restlessness of being a seed, the darkness of being planted, the struggle toward the light....” How like seeds we are, I thought to myself. Somehow in our culture, restlessness has come to be seen as a negative, a weakness to be overcome or disciplined out of existence, an undesirable state of being. What if that isn’t how it is at all? Though not always the most comfortable experience, the very restlessness that we seek to avoid may in fact be a valuable motivator and internal guidance system. It can also be a simple reminder of the Divine Presence within us, a contact point. It seems worthwhile to explore what messages might be seeking our attention on this interior message board.
From the beginning of creation in form, the incarnate God-spark in each form has provided a strong push toward life’s expansion and development of greater complexity. This powerful thrust has brought life from single-celled organisms to the great intricacies of human form. Even without optimal conditions and often in adversity, all life forms gravitate toward that which is life-giving or life-enhancing. Overcoming obstacles to the continuance of life expansion seems to be the order of the day in the physical world. Within each created form of life, including our own, the Divine unfolds the restless drive for expression, for growing into and expanding future possibilities. Summer’s boisterous growth in the plant world is a dramatic example of this.
God Beckons, Invites, Speaks
The inner Divine Self prompts similar soul instincts in each of us, which, if honored, favor our spiritual growth and maturation as well. The drive of outward unfolding from the center of our as yet unmanifested potential occurs in all of us. Unfortunately, we have a tendency to ignore or overlook our inner restlessness or to try, usually unsuccessfully, to appease it on a physical/material level. Through the very restlessness we seek to avoid, God beckons, invites, speaks a direction for our lives, if we can be open to recognizing it. It is all too easy to blunt the impact of the restless feelings with a variety of forms of self –anesthesia, when, in fact, these signs should be watched for, honored and welcomed.
God’s Presence is not always felt as peace, joy and contentment. The lives of the prophets of old are clear examples of that. We need to learn to see the inner restlessness as a doorway to larger life in the Spirit rather than as a roadblock or distraction. We carry the infinite Self within our finite selves and as humans have been gifted with the ability to recognize that.
We are coded, programmed as it were, for the unfolding of our unique spiritual potential, as much as we are for the physical unfolding which we usually take for granted. Our part is to allow it to happen, to realize that our inner disturbances may be the Spirit troubling the waters rather than a threatening storm. Healings have been known to happen when the Spirit troubles the waters.
Discerning Messages Given
We may be being invited to let go, to take up, to move on, to re-evaluate, to rest in the Presence of God, to pause for inner reflection, to share with others, to give thanks. The list could be endless. The time taken to discern the messages we are being given is time well spent. Underlying all of it is the call to an ever-deepening friendship with the God Who, having loved us into life, continues our growing and expanding, and will share that ongoing life with us forever.
Sr. Lynne Thérèse Elwinger of the Resurrection O.C.D.